Desperation
by Dracolove4life
Summary: what i think would happen if bella never jumped.........
1. Chapter 1

Desperation

By: Dracolover4life

When he left he left a hallow shell. She felt like her heart had been ripped out. Like her own personal sun had been taken away and she was forced into darkness. All she could think was _'Why???' _over and over again. He said her loved her but she should have known better. He would never love someone as ugly as her when he could have someone almost a beautiful a Rosalie.

As she dragged the blade across her wrist the grinned then laughed evilly, wondering what h would think about her now. At this thought she got pissed. _'What right did he have to judge?!' _shescreamed to herself in her mind. _' NONE!!!' _Then she started dragging the blade across again and again, more and more frantically, each time deeper and deeper. Then as she started to black out she swore she heard someone scream "What the fuck?!?!" then everything went black.

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**Author's Note: **

**My first attempt at Bella/Edward fanfiction. What do you think??? Reviews of all kind welcome, including: Flames, constructive criticism, or just reviews reflecting your opinion. Thanks!**

**-Courtnie**


	2. Chapter 2

Edward P.O.V.

I had finally decided that I needed to see Bella, my Bella. That is if she'll take my back. As soon as I pulled up to her house I smelled her. Wow that was weird. Usually when I went to Bella's her scent wasn't this strong. I guess it's because I haven't been around in months. So I went to her window and I couldn't believe what I saw...

Bella, my beautiful angel, sitting in the floor, blade in one hand, blood covering the other. When I got in there I screamed "What the fuck?!" I thought she was still conscious. When she didn't respond I then realized the she was unconscious. I picked her up and ran all her all the way to the house and Carlisle.

When I got there he was waiting for me. I looked over at Alice and she smiled a sad smile. Carlisle took her out of my arms and walked into the living room to lay her on the couch. He rolled up her sleeves gently to reveal what she had done. What I had caused her to do. This was my entire fault I realized. If only I hadn't left or had avoided her to begin with. I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard my name being said softly. I looked at Carlisle, read his thoughts and knew what I had to do.

"No." I said knowing that if I did this her soul would be damned forever. I couldn't keep on living if I did that.

"Edward, if you don't I'll never forgive you!" I heard Alice say softly but forcefully. I looked at her, then Carlisle, and finally at Bella, and sighed.

I walked over to Bella and kissed her lips softly, knowing this would be the last time I would feel her warmth, then moved them down to her neck and bit down hard, harder than I had meant to.

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**Author's Note:**

**I'm sorry my chapters are so short it's just that they look longer in word and on paper so I thought it was a decent length. Reviews of all kind welcome!**

**-Courtnie**


	3. Chapter 3

Bella P.O.V.

When I was no longer unconscious, everything was blurry but I'm pretty sure I saw Edward.

No! He can't be back.

Then he leans in to kiss me, my guess is he didn't know that I was awake, otherwise he would have said something. When he moved his lips to my neck I then realized what he was doing. I couldn't move to object or anything.

How could he do this to me? He was going to turn me and then leave me again I knew it.

Right after I thought that thought, he bite into me, and the venom spread like wildfire.

THREE DAYS LATER

I honestly couldn't remember what happened over the next three days. All I could remember was me screaming out in pain and someone holding me and telling me it would be over soon.

Then the pain was gone.

I looked around. Everything in the room looked crisp and clear compared to how everything once looked. I looked at the door and stood up to leave.

There was a mirror. I looked at myself. The first thing I noticed was my chest. I now looked fuller and rounder. Then as I looked down my body I saw that my hips had the prefect curve. I had that delicate little hourglass figure that most models would sell their soul to have. I was beautiful. Possibly even more beautiful that Rosalie, and that was saying something.

When I turned around someone was standing at the door.

Edward.

He was looking at me in awe. He had never looked at me like that before.

So _NOW _he thought I was beautiful.

I was livid, pissed beyond pissed. I knew I wasn't this good looking before but I sure as hell wasn't ugly.

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**Author's Note:**

**I know bad Place to end right? Sorry but that's all I have written so far and I'm getting ready to switch P.O.V. in the next chapter. Please don't hate me!**

**-Courtnie**


	4. Chapter 4

Edward P.O.V.

When I heard Bella stirring, I raced down the hall to see her. I was glad it was finally over. I she had screamed one more time I would have tried to kill myself. I felt really bad for making an angel cry. That's why I wasn't with her now. I had tried to talk to her during the transformation, but I don't think she heard me.

I tried to slow down as I got closer to the door. I didn't want to seem to hopeful, because if she did not want me back I don't think I could take it.

When I opened the door I saw her. I looked at her in awe. She was absolutely beautiful. She had always been beautiful no matter what she thought. She looked almost the same but now her curves were more defined.

I didn't have time to note the other changes before she looked at me in recognition and glared. I could feel anger radiating off her waves. I suddenly knew what it felt like to Jasper when I was in one of my moods. I wondered why I could feel that she was angry, but dismissed the thought when she tackled me.

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**Author's Note:**

**Please don't kill me I know it's short but it's all I have at the time. I'm trying to get Bella's P.O.V. on why she tackled him and stuff. So please review whether you like it or not you could send me flames for all I care!**

**-Courtnie**


	5. Chapter 5

Bella P.O.V.

When I tackled him I felt much better. As soon as he realized what I had done he looked at me in astonishment.

"Why?" he asked a little hurt.  
He didn't know what he had done to me when he left.

When he had left I had become my own type of monster, a terrible monster. Worse than him, he was never a monster at all. I had become the type of monster I hated most, a self-destructive one, an emo. When he had left I lost so much, not only the love of my life but my life itself. I stopped talking to people unless they talked to me directly, stopped eating and started cutting. It was the only thing that made me feel good. This wasn't the first time that cutting had gotten me into trouble. It has almost killed me more times than I could count. I had been in the hospital so many times Charlie and I together could barely pay the bills, and yet I didn't stop, more like couldn't stop. I was hoping, just hoping that this would be the last time. The last time I needed to hurt myself just to feel anything at all, the last time I would hurt Charlie over it, and the last time I would hurt myself just to hear his voice.

I hadn't realized I had stopped trying to kill Edward to space out instead, it's not like I had the choice! Now, apparently I was on my back and pinned to the floor.

"What the hell is your problem?" I hissed.

He was now looking at me with what seemed like hurt, but it couldn't be, he didn't want me anymore. All of a sudden his expression changed, it was now one of pure loathing.

"What do you mean what is my problem? He squeezed my wrists tight, so tight it hurt, even though I was a vampire. His voice harsh, so harsh is almost made me cry, but no he wasn't finished yet.

"I think I'm the one that should be asking you that not the other way around, because as far as I can see, you're the only one in this house that has tried to commit suicide here recently!"

His words had hit home. He just had to bring that up didn't he?

"Shut up." My voice was calm and steady, but full of venom.

Either he didn't hear or he just ignored me, but he kept on going.

"Don't think I don't know about everything that happened while I was gone. I've seen your medical records. You've been in for cutting and several different eating disorders how many times? God, Isabella! I always knew you were weak but this is pathetic. I don't know what I ever saw in you." Then he stormed out of the room.

That had hit me. Hard. That had hurt worse than him leaving to begin with.

I needed something sharp, anything, I just needed that soft tingle to work its way up my arm. I looked at my shoe and then at the mirror. I threw my shoe. The sound of the shatter was almost satisfying enough.

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**Author's Note:**

**I know I just updated but I hated how I left the story so I worked like 3 hours straight to get the next one done so I didn't leave you hanging. This is the longest chapter yet and I hope to make the rest of the chapters more descriptive from now on. Oh and about the emo thing, I have nothing against emo people. My best friends are emo and I used to be emo myself but I kind of cut back on it so no offence to anyone. I would like to thank my reviewers so far there aren't very many of you but each one of your reviews is what keeps the story going and for that I thank you!**

**-Courtnie**


	6. Chapter 6

Jasper P.O.V. (oh I definitely went there!)

That has got to be too many emotions to be coming from only two people. First there was confusion, realization, and anger very strong anger. I'm going to guess that this is from Bella. Then there was awe, a strong amount love and worry, more confusion, hurt, then just plain pissed off.

That is definitely Edward.

Underneath it all though there was really, really strong love, compassion, need and want.

Those two really need to get some control on their emotions.

I hope everything works out okay between them. Edward was too stupid to realize that they were meant to be together to being with so he better not screw it up this time.

I wonder whether or not it is okay to go back? Oh well, I guess the only way to find out is back actually going back to find out.

Alice P.O.V. (oh I went there too...lol)

WOW. That was the only word for the fight. I didn't know Bella could sound so calm and yet so vicious at the same time. Then what Edward said to her. He was horrible, just terrible. If I hadn't known him for so many years I would have thought him a heartless asshole. And poor Jasper, the emotions got so strong he had to leave Forks.

"I don't know what I ever saw in you."

As soon as the words left Edward's mouth I knew he would regret them later. Then he stormed out of the house. I sat in silence to wait and see what Bella would do, after about a minute I got up and walked to the stairs. When I got about half way up I heard a shattering sound. Looks like we need a new mirror.

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**Author's Note: **

**Yes I know another shortie. I was going to make Jasper and Alice's P.O.V. separate but they were so sort to begin with that I decided to just make them one chapter. I am already typing the next chapter so it will be up wither tonight or tomorrow. Please review!**

**-Courtnie**


	7. Chapter 7

Edward P.O.V.

I cannot believe I said those things to Bella. I was so horrible and nasty. The way she looked at me it made me want to die.

As soon as I got out of the house I ran. I just couldn't run fast enough. Everytime I got faster it still felt too slow. Soon I came upon the meadow.

It was still beautiful, but something was missing. I immediately knew what it was. Bella. She was the only thing that made this place seem worthwhile. I still love her so much. From what I've heard in people's thoughts, when I left I took all the love she had to offer with me.

I now know that I never have and never will deserve her. I should have never come back.

No. Don't think that. If I hadn't come back she would be dead right now, and I never would have seen her again.

I looked around the meadow once more and took off. I didn't know where I was going. I just needed to go somewhere, anywhere but here. I kept running for days, passing many things most of which reminded me of Bella.

I just need to stop thinking about her. She doesn't want me, especially after what I said to her.

How could I do that to her? I could I be so heartless, so cruel? I had made fun of her illness, her depression that I had caused. I just wish I hadn't spoken out in anger. It made me say the stuff I knew would hurt her most just to watch her squirm. I just really wish I hadn't done it. If only there was a way for vampires to commit suicide, I would kill myself right now and never regret it.

Wait... there is one way.

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**Author's Note:**

**So what did you think? Let me know. And I'm so so so sorry that it was so short again! I'm really trying to make it longer. I might start adding more than one person's P.O.V. to make it longer. Please review!**

**-Courtnie**


	8. Chapter 8

Bella P.O.V.

Once the mirror shattered my whole world froze. Why? I kept asking myself. Why would he say those things? I knew he didn't love me but still. If he thought I was so weak and pathetic then why would he say something so hurtful, and painful? I guess he must really hate me that much.

I walk over to the shattered mirror and pick up a piece of glass, I know it won't work but still I have to try. I took the glass and pushed down into my skin as hard as I could and... blood poured out. Weird, I thought as I started getting dizzy. I fell to the floor just as Alice ran into the room. All I remember is her picking me up, laying me on the couch and screaming for Carlisle.

A FEW HOURS LATER!!

When I woke up the whole Cullen family, except for Edward was there looking down at me. I looked around again before asking,

"What the hell happened?"

I had to ask I had an idea but wasn't sure.

"What do you mean what happened?" Rosalie asked in a sharp voice. Of course she had to be the one to answer. Oh God, here she goes again.

"You did this to yourself how can you not know?! What is wrong with you? Are you mentally deformed, because there is something seriously wrong with you!!"

Emmett gave her a dirty look.

After her outburst I felt as if I could cry, I probably would have if I weren't a vampire. I wiped my eyes out of habit, and felt tears there. I looked at Carlisle and saw that him and the rest of the room was staring at me. He ushered everyone out of the room so he could talk to me alone.

Well... I guess we figured out what me power was.

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**Author's Note:**

**  
Well this is the long awaited chapter eight. I personally wasn't satisfied but oh well; I'm already almost done with the next chapter so it shouldn't be too long. I'M SORRY IT'S SO SHORT!!!!!!!!**

**-Courtnie**


	9. Chapter 9

Carlisle P.O.V.

When I first saw Bella I was amazed at how she looked. Who knew that a few months could change a person so much. I could tell just by looking at her that she was too skinny.

When I had told Edward that she had lost too much blood, that he would had to change her or she would die, he got mad. As you know he didn't want to do it, so I was going to, but he got pissy about it and did it himself. She was completely silent for the first day of her transformation, and ten all of a sudden she started shrieking.

It was terrible. The look on Edward's face as she screamed, I could tell he was hurting to know that she was hurting. When she had finished transforming I heard Edward rush to her.

About a minute later I heard what sounded like tumbling on the floor.

God can't keep their hands off each other for five minutes.

Then I realized that they were yelling at each other.

Shit. Even I could tell she was really pissed.

After the fight Edward ran out of the house. He had been doing that a lot here recently.

I heard glass shatter. I knew then that something was going to have to be replaced.

Not quite a minute later I heard Alice screaming my name.

When I got upstairs she was holding Bella, who somehow passed out, in her arms. Immediately I smelt it. Blood.

What the hell was going on? Why could I smell blood? Everyone in the house is a vampire.

I gathered the rest of my family, excluding Edward, who no one seemed to know where he was, around Bella to wait for her for a few hours. While she was out I noticed the cut on her arm and the blood drying over it.

When she finally woke up, she looked dizzy and unsure of what was going on. She started asking questions, and of course Rosalie had to answer them in a cruel tone.

Bella looked as if she might cry. It was when she reached up to wipe her eyes out of habit I realized them, tears. That was a huge shock. She looked at me and the rest of us. I noticed that we were all looking at her also.

I quickly, but kindly asked the others to leave. I want to ask Bella some questions and possibly figure out what was going on.

I looked at her and she looked at me, neither really sure of what to say to the other. I felt a wave of calmness go through the room. I would have to thank Jasper later.

"Bella, how are you?" I asked her a simple question, hoping to ease the tension.

"I'm okay, I guess." she responded monotonously.

"I was wondering if I could ask you a question?"

"Um...sure."

"Okay, so how was your life after we left?"

I knew this was a hard question for her to answer but one that had to be asked.

"Terrible."

I could tell there was more than that but I wasn't going to push on it.

"Where your emotions over whelming?"

I had a feeling that the emotions from her past life were causing her reactions now.

"Do I have to answer that one?"

"Bella, I'm sorry but yes."

"Okay, fine."

She took a deep unnecessary deep breath.

"So, there I was, an ugly, defenseless, little human, in love with a beautiful, strong, powerful vampire. Everything was going great, we did everything together. Then one day out of the blue he decides that I am no longer good enough, and never was good enough. And then he left. So I resorted to ways that got me to feel numb, such as drinking, getting high, and having sex with random guys, cutting, anorexia, and a few other things. Almost anything you can imagine, I was doing. My emotions ran strong, so strong they were taking over my body, the pain was unbearable."

WOW! Was all I could even think let alone say about that, and that wasn't even everything I could tell by the look in her eyes, but I let it go.

I started to sort through my thoughts, to get the logical ones through. I was thinking that Bella's emotions were so strong as a human that they may have come with her as a vampire causing her to have human reactions.

"Bella, I think I figured out what you power is."

"No offence Carlisle, but if you are just figuring it out, then you're slow."

I chuckled softly and that caused her to bust out into fits of laughter.

"I am...hahahaha... so sorry...hahahaha...for being such a smart ass... hahahhahaha"

"Bella, it's fine but lets get to the point. The reason you have human reactions such as crying, bleeding and probably other things is because your emotions were so strong when you changed."

"I guess that makes since. How about we go down stairs and explain it to everyone else."

So we were walking down the stairs when she fell to the floor. I looked at her face and she looked like Alice did when she was having a vision.

"Ohmygod, Edward, NO!!!" and she took off running down the stairs and out the front door.

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**Author's Note:**

**Finally chapter nine is up!!!!!! I am so sorry it took so long I kept leaving my notebook at school in my locker!!! lol! This is the longest chapter so far!!!!!! I'm sorry if it was confusing, it was confusing while writing it too, so any questions just send me a message or review!**

**-Courtnie**


	10. 1st ending happy

Edward P.O.V.

I am now on my way to La Push. I decided that is Bella no longer loved me that my life wasn't worth living. Am I sure I want to do this? Of course. Bella would be happier if I was gone. After debating for hours on end, I decided that I would wait until one of the werewolves was just on the other side of the line and then step over. It was that simple. As I pulled up to the line I knew there was now nothing left for me to do but wait.

Bella P.O.V.

Oh my God! Not only did I have human traits, I also have visions, and not just any visions, visions of Edward killing himself. It made no since. Why would he want to do that? He was the one who left me not the other way around. Shouldn't I be the one trying to kill myself? Yes. But right now that didn't matter. All that mattered was saving Edward whether he wanted me to or not. I just hope I make it there in time.

Edward P.O.V.

Wow. Who knew that waiting could take such a long time. Even though it had only been minutes it felt like hours. UG! Life can be so frustrating, that's why I'm trying to end mine, well that and to make Bella happy. I hope she will be too. Without me there to bother her she can move on and find someone else. Well there' Jacob. I guess it's time to end this dreadful existence I call a life.

Bella P.O.V.

Why? Why must clumsiness follow me everywhere? I needed to get to Edward! I just wish rocks and tree roots would give me a break for once in my life! If it weren't for them I would be there by now.

Finally!! I'm here!

I walk past the last row and trees and into a clearing I see two things I will remember for the rest of my life.

Jacob on one side of the line, and Edward on the other, about to step across.

"No Edward! Don't!" I yelled as loud as I could while running towards him.

Edward P.O.V.

"No Edward! Don't!" I heard Bella shriek.

Why wouldn't she want me to do this? I thought she hated me. Wouldn't she be happier if I was gone and out of her way? She was now running towards me.

I went to step over the line again but she whimpered in desperation.

I turned around to look at her, not just at her beauty, but _at_ her, what was inside and I couldn't really see anything except, hurt, worry, fear, and confusion, not love. Without love from Bella life definitely wasn't worth living. As I went to step over the line once again I felt a tug on my arm and saw that Bella had finally reached me.

"Edward, please, just don't. I'll leave if I have to but don't."

All I could do was stare at her. I was about to say something but she cut me off.

"I know you may not love me but I…I still love you no matter how many times I tell myself you don't feel the same way. I can barley live in a world without you, let alone in a world without in you somewhere in it at all."

Whoa! That really shocked the hell out of me. I never expected her to forgive or love me again.

"Bella, I just never expected you to love me again. I…I still love you too, whether you believe me or not I do. I-I…oh to hell with it." And I kissed her. For a moment she didn't respond and I was about to pull away when she grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me long and hard. This was the most passionate kiss ever shared between us.

After about five minutes, we both pulled back for unneeded breaths. She then looked at me and said, still unsure,

"Since you still love me, are you ready to go home?"

I nodded and walked back towards to Volvo.

In the car after about a minute of silence she spoke.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you make me a promise?"

"I'll promise you anything."

I looked at her and smirked.

"Only if you promise to never leave me."

To answer that she leaned in a kissed me.

"Deal." She whispered.

I grabbed her hand as we drove into the sunset and towards the rest of eternity together.

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**Author's Note:**

**Here it is the long awaited ending of Desperation!!!!! If you watch this story you will see that here soon there will be an alternate ending!!! I really really hoped you liked the story and if you didn't like how it turned out then I'm sorry I couldn't satisfy you. Thanks for reading! I would like to dedicate this chapter to: **_**oh-my-edward, Matsuye, sexy alice cullen, and my buddy Rachel being constant reviewers and helping me pick which ending would be the main and which one would be the alternate.**_

**-Courtnie**


	11. 2nd ending sad

Edward P.O.V.

I am now on my way to La Push. I decided that is Bella no longer loved me that my life wasn't worth living. Am I sure I want to do this? Of course. Bella would be happier if I was gone. After debating for hours on end, I decided that I would wait until one of the werewolves was just on the other side of the line and then step over. It was that simple. As I pulled up to the line I knew there was now nothing left for me to do but wait.

Bella P.O.V.

Oh my God! Not only did I have human traits, I also have visions, and not just any visions, visions of Edward killing himself. It made no since. Why would he want to do that? He was the one who left me not the other way around. Shouldn't I be the one trying to kill myself? Yes. But right now that didn't matter. All that mattered was saving Edward whether he wanted me to or not. I just hope I make it there in time.

Edward P.O.V.

Wow. Who knew that waiting could take such a long time. Even though it had only been minutes it felt like hours. UG! Life can be so frustrating, that's why I'm trying to end mine, well that and to make Bella happy. I hope she will be too. Without me there to bother her she can move on and find someone else. Well there' Jacob. I guess it's time to end this dreadful existence I call a life.

Bella P.O.V.

Why? Why must clumsiness follow me everywhere? I needed to get to Edward! I just wish rocks and tree roots would give me a break for once in my life! If it weren't for them I would be there by now.

Finally!! I'm here!

I walk past the last row and trees and into a clearing I see two things I will remember for the rest of my life.

Jacob on one side of the line, and Edward on the other, about to step across.

"No Edward! Don't!" I yelled as loud as I could while running towards him.

Edward P.O.V.

"No Edward! Don't!" I heard Bella shriek.

Why wouldn't she want me to do this? I thought she hated me. Wouldn't she be happier if I was gone and out of her way? She was now running towards me.

I went to step over the line again but she whimpered in desperation.

I turned around to look at her, not just at her beauty, but _at_ her, what was inside and I couldn't really see anything except, hurt, worry, fear, and confusion, not love. Without love from Bella life definitely wasn't worth living.

So I did it, just stepped over the line and stood there.

Jacob was standing there, staring at me. Than all of a sudden he morphed into his wolf form and attacked me.

"No, No, No!" I heard Bella scream and looked over to see her crumpled form on the ground dry sobbing.

I memorized her face so I could remember it when I died. Wherever I was going she wouldn't be there and I just wanted to be able to see her forever.

Finally the pain started coming. As my vision started blurring I knew it was almost over.

"I love you Bella." I whispered know full and well she could hear me.

As I drifted off everything went black and was to stay that way forever.

Bella P.O.V.

I can't believe it! He's gone! My angel, my Edward. I didn't even get to tell him I loved him!

God I hate him so much at the moment! How could he do this to me? How could he leave me again?

After sobbing for a few hours, I saw that Jacob was still standing there.

"Jake." I said while standing.

He looked at me in disgust. I flinched. I couldn't stand to see him look at me like that.

"You and the pack want to rid the world of vampires? Well here you go I'll even save you the trouble of having to catch me."

With that I stepped over the line. He just stared at me in shock.

"Just do it!! Come on!"

He looked so sad when I said that.

"Bella, I-I can't." he said, holding back sobs.

"Well I can!"

We both turned to see Paul running out of the woods towards me. He morphed into is wolf form and attacked me.

The last thing I remember seeing was a bright light and Edward smiling at me.

Then everything went black.

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**Author's Note:**

**Here is the alternate ending!! Yes tragic I know tears I cried while writing parts of this. I hoped you liked it. Thanks for reading! I will probably be writing Edward/Bella one shots from now on! I would like to dedicate this chapter to: _oh-my-edward, Matsuye, sexy alice cullen, and my buddy Rachel_ being constant reviewers and helping me pick which ending would be the main and which one would be the alternate.**

**-Courtnie**


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